


Should Have Listened

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, During Canon, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-23
Updated: 2008-05-23
Packaged: 2018-09-03 04:52:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8697271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Sam and Dean recieve a warning. It's not as it appears, Sam is broken and Dean has to fix him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** This story is to answer the challenge set by Cassandra. I didn't bother changing the name...

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters that were used in this story. No money was made. Please don’t sue. This is in response to the challenge set forth by Cassandra (I didn’t change the title.)

 

Sam sat as still as possible in the passenger seat of the Impala. He didn’t want to ruin the comfortable feeling that he had. He had originally fallen asleep to the now familiar sounds of AC/DC’s Highway To Hell, Dean’s soft singing of the song and the vibrations of the motor beneath him. He knew that if he woke up now all that would be gone. In the end, of course, he wasn’t fooling anyone.

 

Dean had known for a quite a while that his brother was awake. He had spent the final year before Sam left for college memorizing his breathing pattern, the way his body shifted unconsciously, the crease he got between his eyebrows and his mumbles. He didn’t bother to say anything, if Sam wanted to pretend that he was sleeping, and then fine he was sleeping. 

 

He pulled into the parking lot of a diner. After spending almost 6 hours in the car driving he was glad to be standing up. He knew that Sam must have been suffering from leg cramps given the fact that he was freakishly tall. Dean touched Sam’s shoulder, “Hey sleeping beauty wake up.”

 

Sam opened his eyes and looked around. The diner that they were parked in front of looked like any other diner that they had been in. “We there?”

 

Dean smiled; it was the goofy smile that he reserved for whenever Sam did anything that was unbearably cute. This made Dean think that Sam hadn’t been awake for as long as he had assumed. “Yep. Troy, Michigan. Let’s go.”

 

They sat inside the diner, ordered their food and ate without saying a word. Sam wanted to be able to break the silence but for once he didn’t have a single thing to say. The job that they had done in Canton, Ohio had been a complete mess. Neither one wanted to bring up how they had managed to screw up so badly. It was supposed to have been a routine haunting. However, it turned out that it was a demon possession and not a ghost. In the end there was no other way, they had to kill the little girl that the demon had been possessing. When they had gotten into the car back in Canton, they had made a silent agreement that it sucked but there was no other way and there was no point in talking about it.

 

Dean went up to the counter to pay for their meal and Sam started for the door. As he passed a booth, he noticed an old lady. She had a cup of coffee wrapped in her hands, as Sam passed she gripped the sleeve of his coat with long, bony fingers. As he went to pull away she spoke.

 

“Uter iste dilectoris ista, uter de voster proprius, voluntas factus ista multus negtium.” 

 

As her words filtered into his head and he began to translate them, he realized that she was giving him a warning. Before he could ask her anything Dean and a pretty waitress had walked over to the table.

 

“Sam, you okay?”

 

Sam nodded. The old lady let go of his sleeve and he pulled his arm close to his body. It was almost like he was protecting it. 

 

The waitress whose name was Kelly looked at the old lady. “Cassandra, you know that you aren’t allowed to touch people.” She turns to Sam. “I’m so sorry, she didn’t hurt you did she? She really is harmless.” She smiled what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

 

“No I’m fine.” Sam turned so that he was facing his brother. “Come on, let’s go.” 

 

As both brothers turned to leave Cassandra turned back to Sam. “Your family will be one.” Sam looked at her wide eyed and walked out of the diner. Dean followed him out. He had no idea what she was talking about but by the way that Sam was looking he was guessing that it wasn’t a good thing.

 

Once they were in the car and driving Dean spoke. “Your family will be the one. What the hell does that mean?” he noticed that Sam was writing something down. “Come on Sam, it’s a little late for a letter to Santa.”

 

“When she grabbed me she said something to me. Uter iste dilectoris ista, uter de voster proprius, voluntas factus ista multus negtium. I know it’s Latin but I’m not completely sure what it means.” Sam was frustrated, Dean had always been better in Latin then he was.

 

Dean saw the worry in his brother’s eyes. He was silent for a minute. “She’s warning you. ‘One that loves you, one of your own will cause you great pain.’ ”

Instead of looking reassured Sam looked terrified. Dean was even more concerned. He hated it when his brother kept in the dark about what he was thinking. “Talk to me.”

 

Sam licked his bottom lip. “Dean, the last thing she said was that it would be my family.”

 

Dean shrugged. He knew that he would never hurt Sam. It was his job, ever since he was brought home from the hospital to make sure that he was safe. He would do his job until the day that he died.

 

Sam seemed oblivious to this, even though he had to have known that. “With dad gone, you’re the only family that I have left. That means…”

 

Dean shook his head. “I’d never hurt you. But if this freaky old chick is right then I have to stay away from you. But for how long?”

 

“I don’t know but I know someone that will. Turn this car around.”

 

Dean thought that they were nuts. They were taken some sort of warning from some weird lady they met at a diner. And then they were going back to find out how long they would have to be apart. Sam on the other hand was worried. He was worried that she wouldn’t know and that he’d be alone for a long time.

 

When they reached the diner both were relieved to see that the old woman was still sitting where they had left her. Dean stood in front of the table. “How long?”

 

She looked up at the boys that were standing near her. She hoped that they understood the broadness of her warning but she doubted it. Cassandra knew most people only took the surface meanings and by the time they figured out exactly what she meant it was too late.

 

“Two weeks.” She got up from her seat and hobbled out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean drove in silence. He wasn’t thrilled about Cassandra’s newest revelation. In fact, ever since meeting her there were alarm bells going off in his head. Every instinct that he had was telling him not to trust her. But he was facing the fact that she was the only one that they had. If listening to her meant that Sammy stayed safe then he’d do what had to be done. So he was going to keep Sam where he’d knew he’d be safe.

 

Sam would be spending two weeks with Bobby. Dean figured that after the botched job, Sam could use the rest. He wasn’t really good at dealing with dead kids. Dean would go to California and investigate a Banshee. It was a simple foolproof plan. The way that the boys figured it if Dean weren’t around Sam then he wouldn’t be able to hurt him. And Bobby knew that the only way that was going to happen was if he was with Sam. Dean wouldn’t trust anyone else.

 

Sam on the other hand was not all that enthused about his mandatory vacation time. He knew that if the old lady was right then she was saving him from facing a situation that he’d rather not be in. He hated to think of Dean as being capable of hurting him, but at the same time he didn’t want Dean to be away from him. It was an impossible situation and he had no idea what he was going to do. He realized as they pulled into the driveway of Bobby’s house that this was the only thing that he could do.

 

Bobby met them on the porch of his house. He knew that this had to be tough. The boys had lost their father not too long ago; the wound was probably still fresh and bleeding. “Dean, Sam.” He hugged both boys. He knew that those two boys were the closest things that he ever had to a family. And he marveled at how fast those boys had grown and how much they reminded him of John. It was at moments like those that he remembered what John had told him the first time that Bobby had saved Dean.

 

Dean had been on his first real hunt with John and Bobby. It was supposed to be a simple zombie case. But like everything in the life of hunters nothing is as it’s supposed to be. One zombie had actually been a hive of zombies. Bobby had been chopping one’s head off when Dean had been attacked by another. Bobby had swooped the teen into his arms just as the mess of what was once human burst into flames. 

 

That night while Dean was sleeping with Sam safely behind him John had seen the way that Bobby was looking at his sons. “You know, the call you Uncle Bobby for a reason. Family doesn’t end with blood.”

 

Now Bobby found himself protecting them once again. This time it wasn’t from monsters or demons, it was from each other. Dean hugged his brother tightly and whispered something in his ear that even Bobby couldn’t make out. It was a simple phrase that Sam rarely ever heard from his brother.

 

“Love you Sam.” Dean then looked at Bobby, with the mask that he wore. “I’ll be back in two weeks.”

 

As Sam stood against one of the railing posts of the porch and waved to Dean as he drove away Bobby knew that this would prove to be the longest two weeks of their lives.

 

The first couple of days were the hardest for Sam; Bobby could see the boy struggle with it. Fearful that even though they were separated Dean would somehow find him; both boys agreed that there would be no communication between the two of them. Bobby knew that there intentions were in the right place but despite that he called Dean everyday and told him how his little brother was.

 

The first week Bobby did his best to keep Sam busy. He knew from experience that neither of the boys knew how to deal with separation very well. Bearing that in mind that if he kept Sam’s hands moving then his mind wouldn’t be able to wear him down. By the second week Sam was secure enough in the fact that nothing would happen that he started running errands for Bobby in town. Then one day he left for town and didn’t come back. Bobby didn’t know what to tell Dean.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam was wondering aimlessly. There was nothing left to be done at Bobby’s and he was bored, he couldn’t wait for this to be over. He had crossed the street and was entering the town square when he saw his father. He stopped in his tracks. He knew that his father was dead; he had traded his soul and the colt to save Dean.

 

John stood on the other side of the street staring back at the dark haired man that was his son. According to everything that was inside John’s memory this man looked like his mother and he had always been slightly angry with the boy. A part of John had always blamed Sam for what happened to Mary; but his fatherly love was greater then the pain and the anger. But it was that anger that the demon had learned about when John was being tortured in hell and it was that anger that the demon had used to forge it’s appearance as John. He was going to hurt this boy, for no other reason than that it would be fun.

 

“Sam?” 

 

Sam was cautious as he walked across the street to greet his father. He knew that this could be a trick; more than likely it was a demon and if it was then he would have to fight it with everything that he had.

 

 

 

The demon was smart. He knew that Sam wouldn’t want to draw attention to him and that he would want to do whatever it took to keep the innocent bystanders safe. So as soon as they were close enough Sam felt the edge of a knife dig into his side. “It’s good to see you Sammy.”

 

He walked with his prisoner along crowded streets. He was glad that he knew that Dean was in California. It was hard enough to keep track of Sam and keep him in check; it would have been doubly difficult if he had to make sure that they remained unseen by the older Winchester. The further into town they got, the worse Sam was feeling. At first when they had started walking Sam was sure that as long as they stayed in public he would be all right. He was sure that that would give Bobby enough time to become suspicious about him being gone. He knew that Bobby wouldn’t tell Dean but he would probably go looking for him himself. 

 

Sam felt his heart sink when they came to a hotel. The worst part was that every time he looked at his captor his was met with his father’s eyes. He remembered the last time he had looked into his father’s eyes; it was just after Dean had woken from his coma. He had expected them to be full of anger but all that he could see there was love. Now when he looked into those eyes he saw anger and hatred. He had known he had walked across the street that it wasn’t his father but what choice did he have? The demon would have come after him anyway.

 

They entered the hotel and John led Sam into their room. He closed and locked the door behind him. “The first thing you’re going to do is call Bobby. You’re going to tell him that you’re all right and you’ve decided to catch a movie. Then you’re going to turn off your phone. Then you’re going to take your weapons and put them on the table. Then you’re going to strip.” John pulled out a gun and aimed it at Sam’s head. “Try anything funny and Dean’s going to be an only child. Do you understand that Sammy?”

 

“Yes.” Using great control he managed to dial Bobby’s number without shaking. He didn’t want the demon to know just how scared he was. He knew the minute that the demon said that he wanted him to strip, that this thing had no intention of killing him, instead it was going to torture him and probably rape him. He was going to face that with all the dignity that he could.

 

“Hello?”

 

Sam took a deep breath. “Hey Bobby. It’s Sam.”

 

Bobby exhaled the breath that he didn’t realize that he was holding. “Sam where are you? You had me worried. I was just about to go looking for you.”

 

“No need for that. Plug Me In is playing so I’m going to go watch it. Dean raves about it.”

 

“Okay. Bye Sam.”

 

“Bye Bobby.” Sam hung up the phone and turned it off. He was hoping that Bobby got the code. He knew that if he survived what the demon was going to do to him he would need Dean. He was just hoping that Dean came after it was finished. Sam was weak and he knew it. Otherwise he would have been able to come up with a plan to stop the demon before he got this close. He carefully took all his weapons and out them on the table. He closed his eyes briefly as he stripped.

 

John smiled. This was easier than he had thought it would be. The Winchester boy had to have known what he was going to do to him and yet he co-operated. The fact that he had slipped Bobby a code word of some sort never crossed his mind. Although he didn’t know if Bobby had bought the story so he knew that time was probably not on his side. 

 

“Get on the bed. On your back, hands clasped together and above your head.” 

 

Sam did as he was told. He cringed as his hands were handcuffed together and then lashed to the headboard of the bed. He was hoping that he would be tied on his back, at least then he wouldn’t have to see his father’s face. But that wasn’t what the demon had in mind.

 

The demon undressed and Sam closed his eyes. There were certain parts of his father’s body that he had no desire to see. He opened his eyes again when he felt his legs being spread apart. John bent his knees and placed his legs around his waist. “Don’t move.”

 

Sam took a breath, this was going to hurt and he knew it. He felt the wide head of the demons cock start to stretch his tight opening. He kept breathing, trying to breathe through the pain like Dean had taught him. The burning sensation that he felt was almost too much. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think of anything else. The pain seemed endless. Then the demon suddenly stopped.

 

“Sammy, open your eyes.”

 

Sam opened his eyes. The tears that had been held at bay by his eyelids came spilling down his cheeks. “Please.”

 

The demon began to thrust inside Sam’s body. He was enjoying the fact that the boy was crying. “Please what? Do you want me to stop?”

Sam nodded. So the demon stopped mid-thrust. Sam felt as if he had been being ripped in two and now the thing inside him had stopped and he was stretched. He began to cry harder. He tried squirming away from the demon but the thing kept in place. There was no escaping the pressure in his ass and the pain in his body. 

 

“Not what you wanted?”

 

“No. Please….” The tears were coursing down his cheeks. This was the only time when he actually wanted to die just to end the pain. The demon had started moving inside him again. He began to thrust faster and he was hitting Sam’s prostate. The pain was less, it wasn’t pleasure but it wasn’t torturous either. With each thrust he just wanted Dean to find him. He wanted Dean to kill this bastard this wasn’t his father. Dean would know that and he would kill it. He wanted the security of knowing that Dean would make everything all right again. 

 

The demon thrust a few more times into Sam’s sore and stretched hole and then he came. Sam bit his lip bloody as the thing came inside him. The demon sat with his penis still inside the boy and rubbed his leg. This had gone better then he had expected it would. When John had trained his boys he had trained them well. Sam had not blubbered or tried to make a deal to get out of it. He had cried but the demon figured that this was one of those human things. 

 

When he pulled out of the boy’s body, Sam hissed quietly through his teeth. The demon wearing John’s skin dressed quickly, while Sam just stared at him. He wasn’t saying anything. The demon took the sheet that lay on the floor and covered Sam up. Sam knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to get out of the cuffs and arguing would probably be pointless. So he lie there and let the tears of humiliation and shame run down his face.

 

The demon knew that he had to get out of there. It would only be a matter of time before Dean came running through the door. Either way that wouldn’t matter he’d be long gone before the older Winchester got there. The plan had never been to kill the boy; this had been a way of sending out a message. The message was clear: you’re only human we can still hurt you. As he shut the door he knew that if Dean didn’t find his brother the cleaning staff would. He felt that he was pretty safe. After all, even if the cleaning staff was the one that found him; who would believe that he had been raped by his father who had been dead for over a year? No one. He left the hotel and walked away.


	4. Chapter 4

The demon had been right about one thing. Bobby had been suspicious about the phone call. Sam’s voice had sounded not quite like himself and he was pretty sure that the one line had been a code of some sort. That being as it was he decided that he ‘d have to call Dean. If something was going on Dean needed to know.

 

He picked up his cell and with unsteady hands he dialed Dean’s number. He had premised that he ‘d watch out for the younger boy, if something had happened to him not only would Dean be angry but also he’d never forgive himself.

 

“Dean.” 

 

Bobby took a deep breath. “Dean it’s Bobby.”

 

“Hey Bobby. What’s up?”

 

Here goes. “ Does the line ‘Plug Me In is playing’ mean anything to you?”

 

Dean felt his stomach drop. “Sammy’s in trouble isn’t he? That’s the code we use if he’s in trouble, like bad trouble. The kind that he might not make it out of. Stay there. I’m coming.”

 

“Okay.” If this had been an ordinary circumstance he would have insisted that he look for Sam while Dean drove there but he knew that he should stay at the house just in case Sam came back. He kept the news on just in case there was anything that he should be aware of. To Bobby’s relief Dean hadn’t been far, he was at Bobby’s front door within the hour.

 

“Okay. I tracked Sam’s cell. He was at a hotel in the down town area when he placed the call. I suggest we start there, I tried calling his phone but it’s off.”

 

“Let’s go.” They both got into the Impala and drove to the hotel. Dean already had a story forming in his head as to what he would tell the receptionist in order to find out if his brother was there or at least had been there. 

 

When the pulled into the hotel parking lot Bobby looked around. “There could be a possibility that it’s one of the demon hotels. Hotels that are run by the possessed, I’ll start scooping out the windows while you go in. With a little luck either the receptionist will help you or I’ll be able to locate him.”

 

Dean wasn’t fond of the plan but he knew that if they wanted to find Sam and quickly that was probably the only plan that they’d have. “Okay.” As Bobby made his way around the back Dean walked into the front office. He smiled his best heart-breakers smile. The receptionist was a pretty blonde with green eyes and a body that could kill something.

 

She returned the smile. “Can I help you?”

 

Dean took out the only recent picture of Sam that he had. “Have you seen him? He ran off with a couple of his friends and I thought that he might be in the area.”

 

She studied the picture for a few seconds. She knew that he had, it was hard to forget a cute face like that. “Yeah. He came in earlier today with an older gentleman. The older gentleman left about an hour ago but the other hasn’t left yet.”

 

“Could you tell me what room he was in?”

 

She grabbed the logbook from under the counter. “Room 13C.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

She smiled and leaned over the counter. Dean noted that when she did that you could see right down her shirt. He was guessing that had been on purpose. “No problem.” She watched his ass as he left the office and went back out into the parking lot.

 

Dean saw Bobby as soon as he walked out into the parking lot. “I think it’s safe to say that there aren’t any demons in the hotel. The knock out receptionist said that Sam came in with an older man and that the older man had left a while ago but Sam hadn’t yet. 13C.”

 

They walked to the room. Bobby covered Dean as they opened the door. Dean didn’t know whether to be infuriated or panicked. His brother was handcuffed to the headboard, a white sheet covering his body and his clothes lay on the floor. Dean walked towards him and he opened his eyes. 

 

“Dean?”

 

“It’s okay Sammy.” Dean walked over to the bed and picked the lock on the cuffs. As Bobby checked the area and then went to the bathroom to wet a cloth, Dean began rubbing his brother’s arms to get the circulation going again. It was pretty obvious without saying anything that something very bad had happened. That being as it was Dean knew that what he had to do would be unpleasant and that wasn’t something that Bobby needed to see. 

 

“Bobby could you wait outside?”

 

Bobby nodded. He walked out of the hotel room and closed the door behind him. After he was gone Dean looked at his brother apologetically. “Sam, I-”

 

Sam nodded in understanding. He knew that Dean was trying to tell him that he was sorry for what he was about to do but that it needed to be done. Dean moved the sheet and Sam rolled so that he was on his stomach. Dean placed a hand on Sam’s back, and began to rub in small circles knowing that if he started to panic that this would calm him.

 

“Breathe.” As soon as he felt his baby brother inhale he swiped the cloth between his brother’s cheeks. He felt Sam’s breath hitch. “Shhh.” Dean soothed. “We’re almost done.” The second time he ran the cloth between his brothers cheeks he went a bit deeper just to make sure that he had wiped away all of the dry blood. His heart ached when Sam sobbed. With that done he got up and put the washcloth away.

 

When he got back to where the bed was, Sam was laying in a fetal position. Dean was somewhat alarmed. He knew that Sam was the more sensitive one out of them but even this was unlike him. “Sam?” He sat on the bed and rubbed his brother’s back. He needed him to know that he didn’t think any less of him and that he was okay. He needed to verbalize that everything was going to be all right. And for the first time ever, he was at a loss for words.

 

“Sam, I know that right now things are pretty bad. But I think that the best thing to do right now would be to get dressed and then get out of here. I’ll take you back to Bobby’s and there you can sleep for as long as you need to. Okay?”

 

Sam nodded and very carefully started to get up. 

 

“Do you need help getting dressed?” Dean was hoping that he’d say yes, just so that he could feel useful. Sam seemed to think it over. The fact was that he almost told him yes and then he thought better of it. If he had difficulty or if it was painful in anyway he felt that it would be best if he did it on his own.

 

“No Dean. I’ll be fine. Just go outside with Bobby and when I’m done we can leave.”

 

Dean seemed to be studying him. He wanted to make sure that Sam was telling him the truth and not just trying to cover up the pain that he was feeling. The look that Sam was giving him told him that he wasn’t okay; in fact he was probably the furthest from okay that he had ever been but he needed to do this on his own.

 

“Okay.” Dean gave his brother a sympathetic look and walked out the door. 

 

Once Dean was outside he sat on the trunk of the Impala and waited for Sam. Bobby raised a questioning eyebrow. Dean shrugged and said the only thing that he could think of to the older man. “Have you seen the Twin Turbo Competition package for the 2006 Saleen S7? Wow. Man if they made something like that for the Impala that would be sweet.”

 

He was glad that Sam was walking out of the room. So was Bobby. Bobby was pretty sure that that was Dean’s cracked out way of dealing or not dealing with what had happened to his brother but Jesus. He had no idea what the hell the boy was talking about.


	5. Chapter 5

Two weeks had passed since Sam’s ‘incident’ in the hotel room. Once again Dean found himself at a loss at what to do. It was clear that his brother needed something but Dean didn’t know what that was. That day in the hotel room something inside Sam had broken and it seemed that no matter how hard Dean tried he couldn’t make Sam whole again.

 

On this particular day Sam was in Bobby’s study, doing what he normally did. He was drinking and staring out the window. When he had first started this habit Dean had been worried but Bobby had assured him that it was normal after all Sam had been through something traumatic (although neither men would say what that something was) and he needed time to come to terms with it and accept it. Dean had gone to go find Bobby; there was something that Sam had said that Dean wanted a second opinion on.

 

Bobby was sitting on his back porch. He was deep in thought. He knew that the boys were staying longer then Dean would like but this wasn’t for Dean, it was for Sam. Dean knew that and Bobby knew that Dean would do whatever he had to just make sure that Sam was okay again. He had thought that Dean was with Sam in the back room, that’s why he was surprised when he saw Dean standing near him on the porch. 

 

Without waiting for Bobby to speak Dean stated, “He blames himself.”

 

Bobby looked up at the older boy. He seemed haunted; most hunters did but this wasn’t from seeing too much and having done too much. This came from not being able to help your family, it was an almost identical look to the one that John had worn after Mary’s death.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Dean sat on the steps. There was an empty chair but Bobby was guessing that he wanted to be able to look at something other than the person that he was talking to. It worked the same way that calling someone to tell them bad news worked better than telling them in person. “He says that the demon looked and sounded like Dad. He says that he should have known better but when the demon first showed up he just thought that it looked like Dad and he wanted a better look. He thinks that he acted stupid and that he somehow could have stopped the rape. Bobby, he told me that he deserved it. No matter what I tell him he keeps saying that he deserved what happened to him. I don’t know what to do.”

 

Bobby scrubbed his face with his hands. He wished that John were still alive. Then he realized that John wasn’t and that he’d have to deal with this on his won. He would have to be the pillar that the boys could lean on and that he’d have to help them in any way that he could. “The only other thing that you can do is be there for when he’s ready.” 

 

Dean nodded. He seemed to accept that this was one of those things that you had to leave up to Sam’s own perspective and his mind. “I’m going to go see how Sam’s doing.”

 

“Okay.” Bobby hoped that Sam was all right. He also hoped that in the end Dean would be able to help him. The fact was that all those boys had were each other and they needed each other. He was worried about what would happen if things weren’t fixable. If Sam slunk into a depression so deep that no one could reach him that might mean the end of it all for Dean.

 

As Bobby sat on the porch contemplating all of that Dean went into the back room. Sam was sitting in the same chair that he had been when Dean left him, he had his feet on the edge of the chair and his knees were against his chest. He had his arms around his knees and his head was down. Tears were streaking his face and he was still asleep. Dean looked pityingly as he realized that his brother was still asleep. He walked over and lightly tapped Sam on the shoulder.

 

Sam recoiled from his touch. “Please…. stop.” His words were broken and he was sobbing again. 

 

“Sam. Sam wake up.” Dean shook his brother. 

 

Sam snapped awake. It was so fast that he almost fell out of his chair. If his brother hadn’t been there to steady him he would have fallen right on to the floor. That was like Dean though; he was always there to save him. “Dean? What is it?”

 

“You were having another nightmare.” He sat on the desk that was next to the chair. “You okay?”

 

Sam was physically shaking and he was trying really hard not to let it show. He wanted to prove to his brother that he was strong. He wanted to show Dean that although he had screwed up and had ended up getting raped by the demon he could overcome.

 

Dean watched with concern as a torrent of emotions crossed Sam’s features. It was killing him to see his brother torn like that. He had lost his mother and his father. If Sam did something drastic, if he lost Sam too he’d go crazy. In the minutes that Sam was trying to regain his composure, Dean tried to think of ways that he could help his brother. He had no clue.

 

Sam forced a smile. He hoped that it didn’t look as fake as it felt. He was hoping that Dean would leave the topic alone. If he didn’t, then Sam would settle for the earth swallowing him or him having cardiac arrest and dying instantly. Anything was better then having to tell his brother that he was weak and that the mere thought of anyone touching him at all, made him feel nauseous. 

 

When Dean got up off the desk Sam thought (gratefully) that he might have fallen for it and that he was leaving. But when Dean just closed the door and locked it Sam felt disappointed. Then as Dean walked back towards him Sam felt panicked. This is ridiculous. This is my brother, my older brother. He loves me and he would never hurt me. He spent most of his life looking after me and trying to protect me. He was more of a father that Dad ever was. I should know that everything will be okay, I wanted Dean to fix everything and maybe that’s just what he plans on doing.

 

Sam thought that maybe everything was going to okay. He thought that Dean could fix anything. When Sam had been 5 and scraped his knee and Dean had fixed him up and then told the bullies that had been picking on him that if they didn’t leave Sammy alone he’d pulverize them Sam had made Dean his idol. In the world of 5-year-old Sam Dean could do anything and he would always make sure that nothing hurt him. Sam wanted to believe that Dean could make the hurt that he felt go away. He wished that Dean could be the cooler much worshiped older brother again, that could make everything better with the snap of his fingers.

 

Dean looked into his brother’s eyes. He could read everything there like it had all been written on a page. Sam thought that somehow he was responsible for what happened to him. He was afraid of showing Dean just how badly he was hurting, like Dean would think any less of him or be disgusted. 

 

Sam looked back into his brother’s eyes and saw everything that was written on his soul. He felt like he had failed his father and failed as a big brother because he hadn’t been able to interpret the warning correctly. When Sam needed help, when Sam needed him he hadn’t been there. He held himself responsible. Even as adults Dean felt that it was his job to make sure that Sam didn’t get hurt. Dean felt like a failure.

 

As they read each other’s eyes they seemed to have come to an agreement as to what needed to be done. “Dean, I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”

 

Dean wasn’t exactly sure what Sam was getting at so he decided that he’d conduct a little experiment. If it went horribly wrong then Dean would apologize and do anything that it took to make things right again. If he was right, they’d get into the Impala and go to a hotel. There they would do what had to be done, and he’d be and do anything that Sam needed or wanted just so that he was well again. 

 

Sam had broken eye contact. That was another newly formed habit. If he felt that he had been looking at you for too long he’d break contact. He seemed completely uncomfortable being himself. He was sitting in the chair, staring at the ground while his hands picked at the non-existent fuzz that he was finding on his jeans.

 

Dean leaned forward. He put his hand under his brother’s chin and forced him to look up. He placed a gentle kiss on Sam’s forehead, then another one on the tip of nose and finally one on his lips. All the while he had been waiting for Sam to recoil, freak out and ask him what the hell he thought he was doing. None of that happened. Instead when Dean kissed him on the lips, he melted against him. It was the first time since they got to Bobby’s that Sam was tension free. When they broke for air Dean spoke.

 

“Okay. That settles it. I think that we should go to a hotel. Obviously we both think that we know a way that I can make all this shit leave.” Dean had never felt so nervous in his life. He was waiting for the rejection. Instead Sam stood up, unlocked the door and walked straight out to the car.

When Bobby first saw Sam come onto the porch he thought that maybe he and Dean had a fight. He already figured that if they had a fight and Dean had said anything to upset the boy; he’d throttle him. Bobby was alarmed when Sam walked right past him, got inside the Impala and waited. Dean emerged from the house a few seconds later.

 

“What’s going on?” Bobby’s face was full of concern.

 

Dean flashed a smile. It was the smile that he’d use on his father if he was caught doing something that he wasn’t supposed to be doing and he knew that he’d get away with it. “Nothing. Sam’s decided that he wants to talk. He’s been getting pretty emotional so I figured that he’d be more comfortable in a hotel where there was no chance of a father-like figure walking in. He’d be embarrassed.”

 

“Okay. You boys be careful. Will you be back tonight?”

 

Dean looked at the older hunter. He didn’t feel as bad as he thought he would have when it came to lying to Bobby. He reasoned that this was because it wasn’t a complete lie. He was going to get Sam to talk about it; he would just be using a different tactic. “I doubt it. We’ll see you in the morning.” Dean got into the Impala, started the engine and took off in the direction of the nearest hotel.

 

Bobby stood on his porch scratching his head. He wasn’t sure if believed Dean or not. The fact was that whether Dean was telling him the truth or not; Dean knew Sam a lot better than Bobby did. If he thought that whatever he was up to would help his brother he as not going to stand in the way. He just hoped that the boys knew what they were doing.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean pulled into the parking lot of the first hotel that they came across. He had purposely drove in the opposite direction of the one that had lead them to Sam. He had played around with idea of going back to the same one. The idea behind that had been that if they went back to the very one that Sam had been raped in maybe he would see that it really would be okay. However, once he got into the car he thought better of it. Sam was in a very fragile state of mind and Dean was afraid that it would be too much and he’d crack.

 

He went into the office and secured a room for the next 2 days. He doubted that they would need it for that long but it was better to be safe than sorry. He didn’t know how things were going to play out. He knew what they were going to do but that was about it. In his mind it was like taking the worst plan that they had ever came up with and decided to run with it.

 

As soon as they got the key to their room Sam unlocked the door and searched the room. He knew that this was ridiculous. There wouldn’t be anyone there waiting for them, but he knew that he’d feel better once he made sure. By the time that Dean came in he already had salt lines on the windows and door. Although he was pretty sure that there was nothing to worry about he figured that there was nothing wrong with being cautious. Dean on the other had thought that it was overkill, even though he understood Sam insisted on doing it. 

 

Dean closed and locked the door behind him. The hotel room that surrounded them looked like any of the dozens of hotel rooms that Dean had been in. The bed was made with grotesque green sheets that matched badly painted green walls. The paintings that covered the walls were the same crappy, local artist paintings that were always on the walls. The fact was that this room wasn’t really anything special.

 

Sam sat on the edge of the bed. All the way there all he could think of was how he was skeptical that what was wrong with him could be fixed. He knew that Dean would try and in the car that had seemed like a good plan. It had seemed like it would work. But now he wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to think of anyone touching him. 

 

Dean was watching his brother. Sam seemed completely lost in his own mind. He watched as Sam wrapped his arms around himself; he was waiting for the rocking to start and it did. As Dean walked over to the bed he thought that it was impossible for Sam to look so small, it was like his body had folded in on itself. Dean sat on the edge of the bed and pulled his brother to him. 

 

Sam took the hint and curled himself into Dean’s lap. He had one arm around his brother’s neck and the other was clutching the front of Dean’ shirt. Dean didn’t say anything; he knew that when Sam was ready he’d start talking. Sam knew what Dean was waiting for so he took a deep breath. He knew that once he started he wouldn’t be able to stop until it was all over.

 

“I was in town. That was nothing new. I’d run the errands for Bobby just get out of the house. I’m not used to staying in one place for that long anymore and it was driving me insane. That’s when I saw him. God I was so stupid. Dad’s dead, I know that. Even now I can’t claim to know why I went across the street. That doesn’t matter, what does is that I went across the street. He brought me to the hotel, he made me place that call to Bobby, and then he tied me up, fucked me and left. I have no idea why he used Dad’s face. I had no idea if Bobby picked up on the code word that I used. I remember that when he was there, inside me I wanted to die. I’m weak Dean. I’m not like you, I let you down I’m sorry.” 

 

Dean looked down and saw the tears running down his brother’s face. With the hand that wasn’t rubbing circles on Sam’s back he wiped them away. “Sam. You didn’t do anything wrong. If that demon had wanted you, he would have gotten you regardless. The important thing is that you managed to stop him from hurting any of the innocent people that were on the street.”

 

Sam didn’t lift his head. “What if Dad really hated me that much? What if that was something that Dad would have done or what if Dad had wanted to kill me and this was the next best thing?”

 

Dean was shocked momentarily. He couldn’t believe that Sam would think that their father would have hated him so much as to want him dead. “Sam, Dad loved you. Sure, the two of you butted heads over just about everything but he loved you and he was so proud of you. The first year that you were gone to college he was so proud that you had wanted something normal. He had told you that if you left, not to come back to protect you. He found out that you were doing well at Stanford and gloated. He would never have wanted you dead. Trust me.” Dean wasn’t sure when he started but he realized that he was rocking his brother.

 

Sam’s breathing seemed to have returned to normal. He was listening to the rhythm of Dean’s heart and wondering what was next. He knew what they were going to end up doing and that scared him. It wasn’t that he was afraid of Dean. He was afraid of the pain that he knew would follow. He wasn’t in a hurry to feel that odd burning sensation. He wanted Dean to protect him. In the back of his mind he played with the idea of calling the whole thing off but he knew that he couldn’t do that.

 

Dean knew that his brother had calmed down. He wasn’t crying anymore and the rocking seemed to had soothed him. He took a deep breath, put his hand under his brother’s chin and kissed his lips. Sam returned the kiss and that’s when he knew that there would be no going back. He let Dean kiss his mouth again, hearing Sam’s moan as a sign of encouragement, he made his way down Sam’s neck. While his mouth was busy kissing his skin Dean unbuttoned his shirt. He laid Sam down. “You’re okay.” He kissed down Sam’s chest. He paused a moment at Sam’s nipples. He ran his tongue over them and sucked on them until they were hard. He continued his way down his brother’s stomach. Using just the tip of his tongue he circled Sam’s bellybutton. He felt Sam’s breathing hitch and looked up, realized that Sam wasn’t in pain and tongue fucked Sam’s bellybutton. 

 

He stopped his tongue torture to unbutton and unzip Sam’s pants. Sam was breathing hard by this point; even so Dean figured that it was probably a good time to ask. “We can stop at anytime. You know that right?”

“Yes, I know.” Sam made eye contact with his brother. He wanted Dean to know that he appreciated that Dean would do this for him. All Dean knew was that if they hadn’t already been given a ticket to hell they certainly were about to earn one.

 

Dean pulled Sam’s pants and boxers off. As he licked and sucked at the head of Sam’s penis, he flipped the cap on the lube and coated two of his fingers. As he took the length of his brother into his mouth he gently slid his fingers inside his brother. Sam barely even felt the intrusion because Dean’s mouth was currently doing things that Sam hadn’t known it was capable of doing. When Dean’s fingers connected with Sam’s prostate, he moaned and was thrusting on Dean’s fingers.

 

Dean pulled his fingers out and undressed. As he was undressing he stole a look at Sam and not for the first time thought that he was beautiful. Sam on the other hand slid further up the bed. He knew that there would be no going back now. Once they started that was it. And he was shocked and relieved to realize that he didn’t care. He wanted to do this. He knew that it wasn’t right, but it had been Dean’s idea and if Dean was recanting on it, then it had to be okay. 

 

Once undressed Dean slid back up on to the bed. Sam automatically bent his knees and spread his legs. Dean lay in between Sam’s legs and Sam wrapped them around Dean. Dean remembered thinking that Sam’s legs were freakishly long; with them wrapped around them; he still thought that they were. “Relax Sammy. I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

Sam took a deep breath. “I know.” Sam took another deep breath and Dean put on a condom. Sam took a third deep breath and Dean slowly pushed the head of his penis into his brother’s body. Sam’s breathing hitched. Dean rubbed small circles on Sam’s abdomen. He didn’t move again until he felt his brother relax.

 

Sam focused on Dean’s face. When the head of Dean’s penis had gotten past the tight ring of muscle the burning sensation was back. It wasn’t as intense as it had been the first time. As Dean started moving, Sam was relieved that he didn’t feel as though he was being split in half. The burning was there but it was more in the background. Sam had a rush of emotions running through him; he briefly wondered if this was what it was like for women. It felt weird to have something inside him but all his thoughts and contemplations vanished when Dean hit his prostate.

 

Dean knew that Sam was thinking way too much. He had the look that he gets when he’s inside his head and working things out. Dean knew what he would have to do to get him to stop, so he went as deep into Sam’s body as he could without fearing that he’d hurt him. Sam gasped and started moving with him. Dean could tell that he was in ecstasy. Dean began to slowly fuck his brother’s hole. Sam was moaning and writhing beneath him.

 

“Sammy?”

 

“Uh-huh?” Sam had his arms wrapped around his brother’s shoulders and his legs wrapped around his waist. All he could see was Dean. All he could smell was Dean. All he could feel was Dean. Dean was moving in and out of him. It was sick and twisted but the only thing that he kept thinking was that despite the fact that this was damnable, he felt safe.

 

“You okay?” When he spoke he stopped moving. When he stopped moving Sam waiting to feel the pain. The pain never came.

 

“Yeah Dean.” He bent upwards so that his mouth came in contact with his brother’s ear. “Fuck me.”

 

Dean started moving at a faster pace. He made sure that with every thrust he made contact with Sam’s prostate. Sam was moving with him and crying out. Dean knew that Sam was going to come and that was fine because so was he. He pushed himself to come at the same time as his brother. To him that was important. They came together. 

 

Dean laid his head on his brother’s chest and Sam wrapped his arms more tightly around his brother. When Dean first came to him with the idea he had been slightly repulsed. It wasn’t the idea of the act itself; it was the idea of it being 

Dean. After all, Dean was his brother and to have sexual relations with your brother was disgusting. But now that it was done, he wasn’t sure. Sex with the demon (who refused to think of as having any connection with his father) had been almost unbearable. It had been the most painful thing that he had ever been through. Sex with Dean had been good. He had come, which he didn’t think he’d be able to do, with the demon that had been impossible.

 

Once their orgasmic bliss was over they had some serious thinking to do. That was the way that Sam saw it. “Dean?”

 

Dean turned his head so that he was looking at his brother. He had that look again and the worry line was back on his forehead. Dean sighed mentally. If this was how Sam was with women no wonder he didn’t get laid. “What?” 

 

“Are we okay?”

 

“Of course we are. Why wouldn’t we be?”

 

Sam shook his head. Dean wasn’t getting it or at least he was pretending that he didn’t get it. “I mean, does what we did change anything?”

 

This time it was Dean who shook his head. “Nothing’s changed. After we’re done here we go back to Bobby’s. We’ll stay there until we find another job and then it’s back to doing what we do best.”

 

Sam worried at his bottom lip. “What if he asks?”

 

Dean smiled. “I don’t think that he will. If he does then we’ll figure something out. As it stands right now let’s deal with one thing at a time. Okay?”

“Okay.” Sam hugged his brother as he fell asleep. Dean stayed awake for as long as he could. He knew that he had to play it cool around Sam. He didn’t regret what he had done. The only thing was that he had no idea what he was going to say if Bobby did ask.


	7. Chapter 7

Bobby was sitting at his kitchen table while talking on the phone to Mitchell Azar. He was a fellow hunter, who apparently was having trouble in tracking down a hive of vampires. He had wanted to know if Bobby had seen any of the Winchester boys, he had wanted to enlist their help. Bobby hadn’t heard or seen them since the night before. Even if he had he knew that they were having problems of their own that needed to be solved first. “No Mitch, I haven’t. If I do see them, I’ll pass the message along.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Just as Bobby hung up the phone he heard the Impala pull into his driveway. He was surprised. When Dean had said that he was staking his brother away so that they could talk, he figured they’d go where it was they were going, talk and then leave. He was thankful that they had decided to see him first. And he had decided that Sam’s frame of mind and how he looked would dictate if he told them about Mitch’s problem. 

 

As the boys stepped into the house Bobby looked at Dean. He was looking for a sign that would tell him how Sam was. That was until he looked at Sam. The change in the younger Winchester was unmistakable. The haunted look that he had was gone, he didn’t look so scared and he had stopped slouching and acting like everywhere there was a shadow; there was something hiding waiting for him. Whatever Dean did it worked. Bobby decided that he still didn’t want to know.

 

“Everything okay?” Bobby was looking at Sam but the question was clearly aimed at Dean. 

 

Dean smiled at Bobby. “Of course. In fact Sam is feeling a lot better. We’re going to look for a case and get out of your hair.”

 

Bobby was trying to read Dean. He thought that it was a little soon for them to be leaving but if Dean felt that Sam was ready, then he was ready. As Bobby looked at the other boy he was infuriated by the shit-eating smile that Dean was giving him. Dean knew that he held all the cards and that he was calling all the shots. Bobby knew that if Dean had his mind set on leaving there would be nothing that he could do about it.

 

Sam could feel the tension in the air. “I think I left my cell in the car.” He walked back out the door.

 

As soon as the door closed Dean stopped smiling. “What the hell Bobby?”

 

“Dean what the hell yourself. What did you do?”

 

Dean shook his head. If that had been John standing there he still wouldn’t have said anything. Bobby had known him since he was little, in a lot of ways Bobby had been like a second father when he was growing up. So telling him that he had fucked his little brother would be just as disastrous. 

 

Dean checked the door to make sure that Sam wasn’t within earshot. “What the hell does that matter? You act as if I did something wrong. The fact is that he seems to be doing much better now, it really shouldn’t matter what I did. I did what he asked me to, what we agreed he needed.”

 

That was when the light in Bobby’s head clicked on. It really wasn’t difficult. All he did was connect the dots. He knew that Sam had been raped. Dean had said that they were going to a hotel so they could talk. They hadn’t came back until the next day. That gave them hours.

 

“You had sex with your brother?” Bobby was staring at Dean like he had grown a third eye in the middle of his forehead.

 

Dean looked at the ground briefly and then back at Bobby. “It was what he said he needed. He kept feeling that bastards hands on him. The only homosexual experience he had had was he being raped. I gave him something that he wouldn’t have been able to ask of anyone else. I gave him something pleasant, that way he wouldn’t be so scared. I did what I’m supposed to do; I took care of my baby brother.”

 

“So you boys really are leaving?” Bobby put his hat back on his head.

 

“I may have helped him but he’s not going to rest until we catch that damn thing and kill it.” Dean looked at Bobby straight in the eyes. He was looking to make sure that Bobby understood what all that meant and why he had done what he had. 

 

“You boys look out for each other.” He hugged Dean.

 

“Awww. You do love us.”

 

From his front door he watched the Winchester boys leave. He knew that they would be okay; John had trained them well. And he knew that Dean was right, he had done what Sam said he needed. He just hoped that Sam had known what he was talking about.


	8. Chapter 8

“Come on Sam this is pointless.” Dean looked at his brother who was studying a map. After leaving Bobby’s they went to hunt the demon. They soon latched onto a pattern, there were a high number of rapes in the area and all of them were done by family members that had been deceased. However, they had been unable to catch the son of a bitch and Dean was getting tired.

 

Sam looked at his brother. They had been on the road for most of that day. “Look man, I know you’re tired. Everything that we know about this particular demon says that he should strike here next. Give it time.”

 

To Dean it was almost comical. As soon as Sam said that an old man walked across the lawn and picked the lock to the next house. Dean stared at Sam in disbelief. Sam just smiled. They grabbed the guns out of the car and followed. 

When they got into the house they couldn’t believe how fast the bastard was. They were mere seconds behind him and he had managed to get on top of a 16-year-old girl.

 

“Grandpa why are you doing this?” She was crying.

 

Sam shot it with holy water bullets to get its attention. Dean smiled it was days like this that he loved his job. “Exorcizo te, omnis spiritus immunde, in nomine Dei Patris omnipotentis, et in noimine Jesu Christi Filii ejus, Domini et Judicis nostri, et in virtute Spiritus Sancti, ut descedas ab hoc plasmate Dei, quod Dominus noster ad templum sanctum suum vocare dignatus est, ut fiat templum Dei vivi, et Spiritus Sanctus habitet in eo. Per eumdem Christum Dominum nostrum, qui venturus est judicare vivos et mortuos, et saeculum per ignem.”

 

By the time that Dean finished speaking there had been a wailing sound, a puff of black smoke and then the demon had vanished. The girl was left confused on the floor. Not wanting to get busted for breaking and entering they left in a hurry.

__________________________________________________________

 

They spent that night in a hotel (as usual). Dean was asleep and Sam was awake and thinking. He found the whole situation a bit odd, then again a lot of the things that he found himself doing were odd. This had all started over a month ago with a warning from a lady that Dean had dismissed as a lunatic. The one thing that got Sam was that if she hadn’t warned him then maybe it wouldn’t have happened, or maybe it would have but the end result could have been much worse.

 

He turned so that he could see Dean as he slept. Dean cared so much for him and still managed to be Daddy’s little soldier. He knew that if the tables were turned he would have done the same thing he wouldn’t have hesitated. All the same he was glad that they managed to kill the demon, no one else would be hurt the way that he was.

 

When Sam did fall asleep, for once he had no nightmares. The only other time since his rape that he had fallen asleep and not dreamt it was when he and Dean had fallen asleep after they had sex. As soon as Sam’s breathing evened out Dean opened his eyes. He watched Sam sleep and was glad that this time it was for real.

 

The End.


End file.
